The Big Bang

My world right now moves in ways that are beyond definition.   I can no longer say I am ‘happy’, ‘sad’, ‘confused’, ‘excited’, ‘angry’ or ‘joyful’.  As I receive the subtle and stronger undulations of events, frequencies, sensations, emotions and thoughts, I am challenged to let go and allow it all to rise and fall, arrive and depart, swirl and explode, run and lie still.  I take each step and surrender at the same time.  I am shown what is true and am continually challenged to empty my cup, and be ready for the unknown.  The ‘truth’ greeting each moment like the wind passing over the land:  high then low, gently and with tornadoes, whispering through the leaves or rolling down the mountainside, changing in deep partnership with what is.  I feel that more than ever, I am being called to listen without parameters, judgements, or expectations, and be willing to stop in my tracks or glide into a sprint at any moment.  There seems to be lots of ‘letting go’ around me, death and news of death  —  Patterns changing, sturdy clothes disintegrating, people leaving in all kinds of ways.  Inside, more of me seems available to let go.  It’s a funny feeling gathering more of my ‘self’ only to cast it into the fire - though it feels more like transformation than burning.   Working with others, I observe the ‘finish lines’, the places where our core identity becomes challenged, the places where we stop believing we are infinite, in order to hold on to something ‘sure’.  We all have a border at the edge of our willingness.  This work brings us continually to this place.  Will we step across the line?  Will we allow ourselves to know what else waits across the edge?   The trouble is that until we step, we can know nothing of the terrain.  There are no more reference points.  How will we manage without ‘knowing’?  How will we know who we are when we know nothing all over again?  We are faced again with the question the Ancient Kahuna would ask before each sacred session:  ‘Are you prepared to die?‘   Are we prepared to let go of our limited perception of self so that a greater wisdom can expand in us?  And at each turn, each revelation, each renewal, are we willing to die again?  I feel blessed to be a part of this profound and sacred work which guides me back to the beginning, back to ground zero, constantly stepping, falling, flying, disappearing and reappearing ‘across the line’, into the unknown.  Right now, there is such a convergence of Life in me.  I have never been in this place before, where seemingly all things are ‘true’.  Past, Present and Future converge.  My Ancient breath flies through me like a hurricane, and the wind seems to dance in and out of my cells.  This Universe has come back to the beginning — again.